Would You Like Flies With That?

In 1980, I was in the sixth grade at Hickam Elementary School in Honolulu. Hawaii, being a tropical island, is home to a lot of insects. This explains the giant electric bug zapper that hung suspended from the ceiling of the cafeteria, I suppose. But not really. I mean, how disgusting is that? I recall … Continue reading Would You Like Flies With That?

Joie de Vivre, however you pronounce that.

Joie de vivre. This is a French phrase that means a cheerful, hearty or carefree enjoyment of life. Don't ask me to pronounce it - I can't seem to manipulate my tongue properly to spew forth such elegance (I'm Polish, remember?) - but I can embrace the philosophy. And I do. Over the past year, I … Continue reading Joie de Vivre, however you pronounce that.

Don’t Blame Me, I’m Polish!

A few days ago, I discovered a surprising - and heretofore unknown - truth about my heritage. It turns out I'm part Polish. How, exactly, did I arrive at this conclusion? It was right around the time my mom said, "Guess what? You're part Polish!" To say this pronouncement caught me off guard is an … Continue reading Don’t Blame Me, I’m Polish!

You Can’t Compete With Origami

Yesterday was my mom's birthday. And just like in years past, I failed miserably in the Card Giving department. Normally, I'm a really good card picker-outer. I'm great with goodbyes, awesome at anniversaries, kick ass at Christmas, bedazzle with baby deliveries and bar mitzvahs, scintillate sentimentally with sympathies. But for some reason, I have this … Continue reading You Can’t Compete With Origami

Can You Call a City Beautiful?

You wouldn't think a city could be beautiful. Not in the conventional sense, anyway. Trees and mountains and lakes. Sunsets. The ocean. The smile on a baby's face. The glint in the eyes of lovers. Those things are beautiful. Concrete and steel? Different words come to mind. Manmade. Sterile. Linear. And yet, a city is like … Continue reading Can You Call a City Beautiful?

Where’s My Thrift Store Picasso?

Did you hear about the guy in Ohio who bought a Picasso print from a thrift store for $14, then discovered it wasn't a reproduction after all but a genuine, original poster signed by the artist himself and turned around and resold it for $7000? This pisses me off. Because if anybody appreciates a good … Continue reading Where’s My Thrift Store Picasso?

A Three Chord Revelation

Last night I found myself in a dimly lit music lounge sipping a gin and tonic while listening to a rock 'n roll band playing loudly and energetically. I turned to Tara and said, over the wailing guitars and pounding drums, "I'm living the life I always wanted." Call it a three-chord revelation. Many years … Continue reading A Three Chord Revelation

Kite Therapy

There is nothing more therapeutic than flying a kite. This surprises me. You wouldn't think such a simple pursuit would bring much joy. All you're doing is standing there, holding onto a string. The wind does all the work for you. Sure, you have to tug on it occasionally and make an adjustment or two … Continue reading Kite Therapy

Mary Poppins I’m Not

Today I broke not one, but two cardinal rules of mine. First, I walked across the parking lot of my condominium complex carrying an umbrella. An open umbrella. Over my head!!  And if that wasn't bad enough, it was a leopard print umbrella. Granted, it was pouring rain. Using an umbrella prevented me from getting drenched. But I've … Continue reading Mary Poppins I’m Not