I’ve been home for a couple of days now, and am slowly settling into the new routine. To be honest, my emotions have sort of yo-yod. At first, there was the exhilaration of being home after three days in the hospital. I had a really good blood sugar reading – under 100, which is normal. I got this, I thought. Then the next day I had a couple of high readings, and that left me feeling nervous and depressed. Today, before lunch? 88. Diabetes is a numbers game, and I am quickly learning you have to look at the big picture rather than focus on each specific test.
One thing I have been doing very well is eating healthy. Lunch today was a turkey sandwich on whole wheat with lettuce, tomato, avocado, and a smear of hummus, accompanied by 10 whole wheat crackers and a handful of grape tomatoes, washed down with sugar free iced tea sweetened with Stevia™. Breakfast? Scrambled eggs with mushrooms and green onions and a side of chicken sausage. I’m countin’ carbs like a boss and have been averaging only about 30 a meal (I am allotted 60). I used to scoff at people who went to such extremes, so believe me when I say this is a huge attitude adjustment for me. Tara and Audrey are proud (and a little surprised) at how well I’m doing, but I am a Taurus, which means I’m stubborn. This can be good and bad. When I put my mind to accomplishing something, I do it. This case (eating healthy) is an example of good stubborn. Bugging Tara to go down to the Mini dealership even though I’ll soon have hospital bills arriving in the mail is an example of bad stubborn.
A drawback to this whole carb counting thing: grocery shopping takes forever. I spent over two hours in the grocery store yesterday reading the back of every single box and can I put in my shopping cart. And I hate the grocery store!
Since coming home, I’ve had a lot of time to reflect, and it really scares me how badly things could have gone for me. When I was last at work six days ago (is that all? feels like a lifetime), my vision was so bad I could not recognize the coworker I sit next to. There are plenty of horror stories about diabetics who go blind. If that had happened to me (and I honestly feel like I was close to that point), well…I’m a writer. Kinda hard to write when you can’t see. Right now, looking at the TV across the room, everything is sharp and clear. A few days ago, the laptop on my lap was an incomprehensible blur. I don’t know what I would have done with the rest of my life. As inconvenient as insulin shots are, things could have been much worse.
You know what? I do got this.