Gettin’ Jiggly With It

Look, I can understand closing down certain non-essential businesses, rescheduling concerts, postponing Major League baseball, limiting social contact, yadda yadda. But Portland has just taken things a step too far by canceling their annual naked bike ride. Is nothing sacred these days?!

This decision took some real balls. Sounds like a cover-up to me…

Few things are more “Portland” than the World Naked Bike Ride…with the exception of protests. Portlanders protest everything. And when they do, there are counter-protestors protesting the protests. Sure enough, the World Naked Bike Ride is officially a protest—against our nation’s dependency on oil. But it’s also touted as a way to raise awareness of the dangers cyclists face on the road and to promote body positivity. In fact, participants are encouraged to protest any cause they want, using their naked flesh as a canvas for the protest signs.

portlandbike

I’m all for freedom of speech and have nothing against nudity, but I personally can’t imagine riding a bike without pants. There’s way too much potential for bodily injury to parts of the anatomy I would prefer to keep in working order. I mean, if I scraped my elbow, how would I bend my arm to write without experiencing searing pain?!

I did see a bunch of naked bike riders once. Ironically, it wasn’t even in Portland. Tara and I were on one of our many visits to Seattle; we’d stopped for lunch at a hole-in-the-wall pizza place in the Capitol Hill neighborhood when dozens of naked people on bikes went pedaling by on the street outside, seemingly without a care in the world. I did a double take and got over my shock just in time to grab my camera and snap a few pics. That’s not a sight you see every day, so you’ve gotta save it for posterity, ya know?

So: no official naked bike ride this year. But organizers are encouraging anybody who feels like it to bare it all for a bike ride on June 27th…as long as they practice social distancing, of course. There’s no parade route, no start time, no location. Anybody who wants can get jiggly with it.

Just watch out for potholes, okay?


I’m collaborating on a work project with our resident Englishman, John. Which is all well and good—he’s a pretty cool chap with that stereotypical dry British wit—but we seem to be waging an invisible language war on our shared Google doc.

Case in point: we’re doing work for a new university organization.

Pay attention to that last word. It’s key here.

I created a list of FAQs for the organization. After John looked over the content, I noticed he had changed the spelling to organisation. Those folks across the pond sure have a funny way with certain English words, don’t they? Because Rapid City is approximately 4,398 miles from London, I changed it back to organization. The next time I opened the doc, it had reverted once again to organisation.

england_vs_usa

“Bloody hell!” I exclaimed. “This is bollocks.” Fortunately, I stopped short of telling the wanker to bugger off. Instead, in the interest of preserving international relations, I quietly changed it back to organization. All is right with the world once more.

Until I open the doc back up tomorrow, I’m sure…

 

26 Comments on “Gettin’ Jiggly With It

  1. 1. Naked bike-ride? 😳

    2. The English grammar dude I mentioned a few times, Dreyer, has all kinds of fun with American and English spelling of words, or terms, in his book. Complete with footnotes and personal experiences and anecdotes and side notes. It’s quite entertaining even for the Canadian typing this comment here… You guys should check it out. And then immediately organize a zoom meeting to debate it. 😃

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know. It sounds titillating, but all I can think of is that seat and the epic wedgie it could create. Not such a turn-on when you think in those practical terms.

      There are other words John and I have gone back and forth on, such as labour. But that one’s also a Canadian thing! 🙂

      Like

  2. HA! OMG Mark, Philly has a naked bike ride as well. I think it’s sometime in June or July. Now that you mentioned it, I’m wondering if they’ll even have it this year.

    “but I personally can’t imagine riding a bike without pants. There’s way too much potential for bodily injury to parts of the anatomy I would prefer to keep in working order.”

    Thank you! My sentiments exactly, especially if you’re male! 🙂

    Isn’t funny how S’s and Z’s are used differently here, versus the UK? I noticed that when a few of my UK blogger’s leave comments. Also words like humor versus humour? They add a U.

    I’m sorry, but organization looks odd with an S. Glad you changed it back!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chicago…London…many other places have the naked bike ride. I tried to figure out where it originated (seems VERY Portland) but it appears to have been a simultaneous undertaking back in 2004. Somebody on my Facebook account joked that it’s been replaced by naked roller skating this year. You know, that is something I could probably get behind.

      I hate the way organization looks with an S. And so does spell check (zpell check?)!

      Like

  3. Oh, the Solstice Parade in Fremont. My son lived close to that area, but I hated driving up there so never had the inclination to attend. Still listed as “postponed at this point but I expect with our gradual phase in back to normal it won’t be happening this year.
    Maybe you could start a version of your own in your new home town… 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ha! South Dakota is a LOT more conservative. I don’t see a naked bike ride catching on here for a long time. Plus, the weather is much more unpredictable. It may not be snowing in June, but it could very well be hailing. OUCH.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Meanwhile, I am thrilled that our ridiculous local Armed Forces Parade is canceled. Waste of so much fuel for everything from tanks to aircraft.

    My son has a different opinion, of course.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. No way would I ride a bike naked nor want to see other people ride bikes naked. While I like whimsy, I like clothed whimsy. You do a good British swear. Been watching The Crown?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Lol, you covered it in that last paragraph, which could be taken from about every British novel I’ve ever read.

    I cannot fathom the pain of riding a bike naked. I think it’s painful with clothing. But the real distress would be seeing the other riders. I imagine 95% of bodies I would not want to see.

    Liked by 1 person

    • There are a LOT of photos online. Definitely NSFW so I didn’t post them here. You’re right: 95% are not worth gawking at.

      But those 5% that are…my, oh my!

      Like

  7. I expected this to be a post about jello. 🙂 Love the z/s battle, especially your Britishisms. I just used bloody hell the other day. Gotta love the way Brits swear.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I guess I’m entitled to protest the cancelation of the naked bike ride, given my location.

    About the closest I’ve come to a naked bike rider was one day I was washing the car in the street and a neighbor said, “did you see that!”, after I heard something zoom by. Naturally, I didn’t.

    Liked by 1 person

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