I skipped Florida for a brothel instead.

I’m the only member of the marketing department in the office until Thursday. Everybody else on my team is basking in sunny Fort Lauderdale. Actually, they’re not basking. They’re conferencing. Which makes me feel a little better about being stuck behind. And if I’m being totally honest, I’m not much of a Florida person anyway. … Continue reading I skipped Florida for a brothel instead.

Doctor, doctor, give me the news; I’ve got a bad case of not knowing you.

Thursday, I had an all-day training session in Wall. Yes, home of the drug store. And the best donuts on earth. I once drove 100 miles for one, so when boxes appeared in the community center for the meeting and I only had to walk a few steps to grab one, I did not complain. … Continue reading Doctor, doctor, give me the news; I’ve got a bad case of not knowing you.

“Turn Left Heading Two Three Zero”

A short attention span and an inability to multitask are a dangerous combination. I learned this the hard way on Tuesday. Midway through our weekly Teams marketing meeting, J. started talking about something and I zoned out for a few minutes. To be fair, I was responding to a work-related email. It’s not like I … Continue reading “Turn Left Heading Two Three Zero”

What in Blazes is Going On?!

A few days ago, I was putting on a coat and noticed a thread caught in the zipper. I moseyed over to the kitchen, grabbed a pair of scissors, and started to cut it off. “Hang on,” Tara said, mid-snip. “Let me take care of that for you.” I thought I had the situation pretty … Continue reading What in Blazes is Going On?!

Congratulate Me, I’m the #1 Loser

First off, the obvious: sock-sock-shoe-shoe won in a landslide. 90% of poll respondents (and 100% of Facebookers) get dressed that way. The message is clear: Tara is insane. She’s also a great sport about it and admits she’s the nutty one here. Things are a little more interesting when looking at the order. A lot … Continue reading Congratulate Me, I’m the #1 Loser

Life Would Be Simpler if Bricks Were Like LEGOs

I was listening to the radio on the way to work and the morning show hosts were talking with a caller who happened to be a bricklayer. And I thought, what a ridiculously easy job that must be. I’ve been able to stack since I was two years old. But I realized there was probably … Continue reading Life Would Be Simpler if Bricks Were Like LEGOs

Could’a Made a Lotta Clams By Now

It’s nice that the sun is coming up a little earlier now and setting later. It makes for some scenic evening commutes. Not so nice? Driving over a curb when turning into the parking lot of your favorite coffee shop because you’re temporarily blinded by the rising sun. I wanted a jolt, but the kind … Continue reading Could’a Made a Lotta Clams By Now

Mr. Sassypants Strikes Again

We were having our weekly marketing meeting over Teams last week and my boss said I was being sassy. (He wasn’t mad or anything. He laughed when he said it.) This followed my comment in which I told D, my supervisor, "Sure, I'll have that assignment done before noon. As long as you don't drone … Continue reading Mr. Sassypants Strikes Again

If You Like Piña Coladas

I scored a victory today. Felt kind of like a senator who’d sponsored a bill and watched it pass into law. It’s a euphoric feeling. And exactly how I felt last year when I convinced my supervisor, a former journalist, to embrace the Oxford comma, AP style be damned. I about fell out of my … Continue reading If You Like Piña Coladas

Those Old Knives Just Weren’t Cutting It

Nothing says you're a grownup more than shelling out $250 for a set of really good kitchen knives. Either a grownup or a serial killer, I suppose. Recent Dexter: New Blood binge aside, we bought the knives last weekend for slicing, dicing, and chopping up vegetables–not body parts (though honestly, these bad boys are so … Continue reading Those Old Knives Just Weren’t Cutting It